All times are UTC [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2011 7:02 am 
Offline
Registered User
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 5:59 am
Posts: 493
Location: Hazama's Pocket.
Gender: Male
PSN: Oisinn
"Tell me a word, any word."
"Any word?"
"Yes, dammit...Did I stutter?"
Adverting the loose, tear across her shirt, she continued to fiddle with the small flap. Tracing her tongue to the top of her mouth, letting it carve small symbols in the air as she tried to think. Responding with a cheery laugh,
"Catty-wagon."
"Catty what? Do we look like were in god damn Britain?"
The bitter snarl ruptured from his chest, she could see the press of his pen against the paper, ink dripping through.
"Well of course not, just thought it'd be an interesting word."
"Think of something else, something a five year old wouldn't accidentally let slip."
"Slip of the tongue you mean?".
"Just shut up and give me a word."
Henry was being quite the stubborn one this night, yes he was...He was sitting tall in his oak chair. He cherished that chair, he had made it himself, she had helped. Of course all she did was hold his tools, and gather wood. He did the carving...That counted right? He called it the "Thinking Chair" or "Idiots referral" for giggles.

A cold laugh came from her own caverns, letting some hands slip to her side. They were her own of course, what did you think Henry would touch her? Never.

Of course she had tricked him into a hug once at a bar, she told him that she felt a bit queasy from the amount of drinks. Henry with his usual scowl only let set a haze of feisty eyes glaze over her. Nothing he wanted to do or care about. She was out of her mind to pretend to faint but she wanted it to seem real, and she wanted some damn human reaction from that man! She fell like a block to the ground, her thought at the time was; "Oh yeah, Henry'll catch me! My good buddy ol' pal! He'll catch me!".
Yeah...And rainbows are fucking straight..
The next seconds flew by, before she could get her footing she was met by the amazingly comfortable floor on the bar, groaning. Sarcasm for all you kiddos out there who cant feel emotion, so why should you be able to read and obtain it out of my writing? You know the kinda of people right? Something is really exciting and your all yelling, and jumping around like a bunch of toads in giddy joy. But that one person...that one god damn emo dude has the monotone of the room
"Woot..Amazing..okay whats next?"
Sorry for the rant..lets get back to my story, ah but where was I? Oh right my failed first attempt at getting Henry to feel something, and give me a god damn hug!
Before the groan got half way through her chest she realized she was supposed to be passed out right now, or at least pretend..Sure enough it worked. Oh and it worked beautifully, hell she wouldnt be surprised if the next day she got a letter in the mail containing her oscar. Silly, huh? Well i'll be sure to bite my thumb at you, when i'm standing on that stage, shaking hands with the god damn president!

Hands curled around her shoulders, another working its way to the back of her head, churning her hair between his fingers. Talk about being gentle...Way to go, Henry!
"Hey, Henry..Don't worry about it, happens all the time here. You know this chick?" The bartender asked over the blaring music, and vicious screams from the others, like the two were in the park on any normal day, chatting about how good life is. Not like there's a passed out girl on the floor or anything.
"Oh. Her? Nawh."
Henry let go without much sympathy, her head hit back against the cold ground. Making a dizzy fuzz confront her eyes instead of her usual drunken haze.
Way to be gentle, Henry. Guy i've known since the third fucking grade!
So I guess that whole experience counts as a hug, eh? At least give me that...No? Well fu-


"Anyday princess."
The oh so familiar snarl brought her in a jolt from her flashback.
"Huh, what?"
"Word."
"Oh, right. Hrm." She thought about it for a few more minutes, letting her thumb come to rest on her chin, forefinger out and rubbing it back in forth in obvious thought.
"Ah, i've got it. You're gonna love this, trust me."
To her surprise, Henry leaned in, a flash of what could be taken as curiosity flashed through his eyes, and half smile. She leaned forward in response, throwing her hands up, and shouting,
"Cattywampus!".
Henry didn't take to her joke, even though she heard the smallest of his laugh. He brought his arm back, chucking his pencil at her. She laughed madly, curling her hands around her waist and falling back, rolling around like a small child. After about five minutes of admiring her comedic draw to life, she sat up, wiping small tears of laughter from under her eyes. Oh god, she was good. She looked up to the chair, Henry was gone...She looked side to side...A bitter feeling ached in her stomach. She was an idiot, she knew where he was, tears whelped up in her eyes, burning harshly, and cutting off her vision...He was dead, Henry had been dead for three months now.

//Yeah, I dont know what this is...I know its kinda bad, and all over the place. But I was pretty bored, and got some inspritation from watching a movie. So uh yeah..Enjoy, comment, hate...Whatever your little hearts desire. Oh and I know my pic isnt feminine, i'mma change that soon, I just liked that photo. Also it's like my first hour here, so cut me some slack. I'll read back over this and fix the grammar mistakes, its 1 am. Slack, slack, slack, lazy, lazy, lazy. I get it |: <3\\

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2011 12:50 pm 
Offline
Vv
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:10 am
Posts: 3404
Gender: Male
Main: Hazama
Sub: Valkenhayn R. Hellsing
XBL: JoshuaVv
Hrm...I enjoyed the read. Because you were able to translate your characters thoughts with the plot well. The endings was a good twist and I sure as shit didn't see it coming. However it wasn't quite as powerful as a punch as I think you wanted it to be. Maybe if you condensed it down to just a line or two short ones, it would be more powerful. All that detail just kinda drags the punch along making it come at you in slow motion, ya know? You want it quick and you want to watch your reader's head to snap back, and so the best way to do that with text is short one liners that are cold and powerful.

Otherwise it was a good read, I enjoyed it a lot and I want to see more from you, lass. You've got the right kind of head for writing.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2011 3:02 pm 
Offline
Registered User
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 5:59 am
Posts: 493
Location: Hazama's Pocket.
Gender: Male
PSN: Oisinn
JoshuaBlaze wrote:
Hrm...I enjoyed the read. Because you were able to translate your characters thoughts with the plot well. The endings was a good twist and I sure as shit didn't see it coming. However it wasn't quite as powerful as a punch as I think you wanted it to be. Maybe if you condensed it down to just a line or two short ones, it would be more powerful. All that detail just kinda drags the punch along making it come at you in slow motion, ya know? You want it quick and you want to watch your reader's head to snap back, and so the best way to do that with text is short one liners that are cold and powerful.

Otherwise it was a good read, I enjoyed it a lot and I want to see more from you, lass. You've got the right kind of head for writing.


Yeah, I hear you. I was aiming for that kind of reaction, the whole "Holy shit..." kinda thing. But eh. Guess thats what I get for thinking of this so late, but I thought it was a cool idea, and might build off of it someday. I appretiate the comment, really. Ill probably come back to this but for now, I have to neglect it and think of a bloody rp idea. Still I appretiate the comment.

Also I have to give you some props my man. Your writing is really captivating, shit you had me hooked after the second sentence. It flows well, nice vocabulary, its like a song, and you play it very well. I cant find anything off beat with your writing, good work. Keep it up.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2011 9:46 pm 
Offline
Registered User
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 5:59 am
Posts: 493
Location: Hazama's Pocket.
Gender: Male
PSN: Oisinn
Don't Spare Them Your Hatred.
Just Go Crazy; No One Wants To Save You.
Just Seek Loneliness; No One Wants To Love You.
Just Unleash Your Hatred; Nobody Will Lessen It.
Just Break Your Promises; Nobody Meant Them Anyway.
Just Fall Into Oblivion; No One Will Catch You.
Sink Into Obscurity; What's "Memorable" About You?
Just Sit Back; This World'll Progress Without You.
Try And Scream Out; Who's Gonna Hear You?
One In A Million; And Not The One Who's Ever Chosen.
This Is Just. . .
. . . Your Personal Hell.


//Haha...what is that? I dont know, but I love it..If anybody can tell me, i'd be knee slap happy to know.\\

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 1:03 am 
Offline
Vv
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:10 am
Posts: 3404
Gender: Male
Main: Hazama
Sub: Valkenhayn R. Hellsing
XBL: JoshuaVv
Hey, I just wanted to let you know I'd catch you anytime you fell, babe. <3

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 1:22 am 
Offline
Registered User
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 5:59 am
Posts: 493
Location: Hazama's Pocket.
Gender: Male
PSN: Oisinn
Immm sorry I cant take you seriously with that bear..It makes me smile too much, and I cant stop laughing<3

Buuut. I didnt write that, just wanted to know who did. It's pretty creative. Even though its dark. /Doesnt at all feel that way xD

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 1:24 am 
Offline
Vv
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:10 am
Posts: 3404
Gender: Male
Main: Hazama
Sub: Valkenhayn R. Hellsing
XBL: JoshuaVv
I was referencing the story, not the poem thing, Love.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 1:27 am 
Offline
Registered User
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 5:59 am
Posts: 493
Location: Hazama's Pocket.
Gender: Male
PSN: Oisinn
/cant even remember what she wrote in the story
|:

Shhhuutup, you make me look like a doof<3
:3

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 4:09 am 
Offline
Registered Active Coolkid
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:33 am
Posts: 2888
Location: At the HQ, sitting on her lovely throne beside her husband, the Master Ruler and Instigator of Chaos
THIS THREAD IS FULL OF D'AWWWWW

_________________
Image
Sig By Busa~ ^
Image
Mar. 22, 2011. Married to Shinigami-XII
TROLOL!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 4:14 am 
Offline
Registered User
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 5:59 am
Posts: 493
Location: Hazama's Pocket.
Gender: Male
PSN: Oisinn
Thhaankchu. I love my Joshie<3
^^

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB ® Forum Software © phpBB Group | DVGFX2 by: Matt