All times are UTC [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: A Lunatic's Lament.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:11 am 
Offline
Bang Monitor
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 08, 2010 9:32 pm
Posts: 3758
Location: God among men.
Gender: Other
Main: Bang Shishigami
Sub: Hakumen
XBL: CB Squall
PSN: FRKZxSquall
What the hell had he done...? It was her who had taken everything, and everyone. She left him void of everything, physically, spiritually drained. . His daughter was taken away from him, and the woman he loved had run off with another man. Was this the life he chose for himself?

Had he somehow deserved this for all the years of loyalty and love? She must never have reciprocated those feelings... the day his daughter was born. The day they were married. All these things meant nothing, and left an empty void in his heart. It was as if he had woken up one day and everything in his life had died.

He wandered the desolate streets in search of something, anything really, trying to find a way to live through this. He stopped short in an alley, just behind a bar, exhausted. In the fog of his life, a woman slowly appeared in the mist, she must be on her way home from a job, or something. Walking past him, she barely noticed the man who's soul was crumbling apart in the space she was in.

Each step quaked in his heart as he slowly got up, and began walking to the home he had been kicked out of. Taking a short step through the door, he was welcomed by warmth, reminiscent of the days he used to live in. His daughter ran through the hall, sprinting to his embrace, as his wife gave him a smile and a peck on a cheek. Sharing coffee by the fireplace, he couldn't resist the urge to kiss his wife again.

As he went to embrace her, his face fell into the wet concrete of the alley, ripped from a dream of better times. Splashed with water upon his face, he stumbled to his feet, and wandered back to his parents home, which he had been staying in since the divorce. He came upon a wooden birch door and opened it to find his old room when he was a child. It had changed significantly since he had moved back in however, and was much more desolate than before. The posters and other symbols of individuality long ripped away from the walls.

He looked at a small box on his bed intently, almost cautiously, before opening it and retrieving a small gun, one he had bought a year ago, when this first started. He cleaned it slowly and precisely, remembering all the days of mixed heaven and hell he lived through. Stuffing it in the back of his pants along with a knife, he moved out to the door of his car.

We said love lasted forever.

Slowly he got into his vehicle, driving to where he knew she lived, where she was with that other man, sleeping on his bed and selling her false love to him. As he knocked on the door, he checked the gun. There were two bullets... but this man didn't deserve a single bullet. As he opened the door, he knew it was too late to go back.

But is it my fault? Years spent watching in silence, as she slowly drifted away from me.

The knife from his back pocket had moved to the mans skull, killing him instantly and bringing him to the floor and then the afterlife. He walked into the bedroom, his love sleeping under the covers.

How could I be so blind? If this is what you call betrayal... then this is what I call revenge.

He lifted the gun, and aimed it dead center at her head. She slowly began waking up, and stared at him with eyes the size of the moon. They both knew what the next step was.

Should I apologize? Such a pathetic look... Just the sight of you makes me sick. Empty eyes accuse a face so evil. My stomach heaves as I feel the blood that covers me, and knowing that hers will too.

Bang.










Bang.












-----------------

Fuu... I'm in such a dark writing mood today. xP

_________________
Image
Chapters: 2 - Word Count: 11,733


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: A Lunatic's Lament.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:53 am 
Offline
Hakumen Monitor
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:40 am
Posts: 3306
Location: At home, looking up furniture porn.
Main: Lambda-11
PSN: Watakushi721
No offense intended, but this felt quite a bit rushed, with no empathy for the character, like you really just wanted to kill off the "villain" of sorts and be done with it.

_________________
Main:Slayer, Kim, Ash, Nero Chaos, and last and least, Hakumen.
PSN: Watakushi721
Image
Takotoo: i want
Takotoo: a story about
Takotoo: hazama stealing my kokoro
Takotoo: then
Takotoo: fucking the shit out of my shota butt


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: A Lunatic's Lament.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 3:29 am 
Offline
Bang Monitor
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 08, 2010 9:32 pm
Posts: 3758
Location: God among men.
Gender: Other
Main: Bang Shishigami
Sub: Hakumen
XBL: CB Squall
PSN: FRKZxSquall
Haku+men wrote:
No offense intended, but this felt quite a bit rushed, with no empathy for the character, like you really just wanted to kill off the "villain" of sorts and be done with it.


Indeed. It was quite rushed, to be honest. I just thought it up on the fly.

In fact, the last one I wrote was the same way, I think it just turned out better because I played it differently.

_________________
Image
Chapters: 2 - Word Count: 11,733


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: A Lunatic's Lament.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:09 am 
Offline
Registered Active Coolkid
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2010 5:14 am
Posts: 9278
Gender: Other
Main: Litchi Faye-Ling
Sub: Mu-12
XBL: FecesMonster
PSN: DatAnus
Iunno why, but I started to think

Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees and begged you
Not to leave because I'd go beserk?
WELL,

You left me anyhow and
Then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone completely
out of my mind

AND

They're coming to take me away,
Haha, they're coming to take me away,
Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice young men
In their clean white coats
And they're coming to take me AWAY,
HA HAAAA

You thought it was a joke,
and so you LAUGHED, YOU LAUGHED!
When I had said that losing you
Would make me flip my lid,

RIGHT?

You know you laughed.
I HEARD you laugh, you laughed
And laughed and laughed
And then you left,
But now you know I'm utterly mad

AND


They're coming to take me away,
Haha, they're coming to take me away,
Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,
To the happy home with trees and flowers
And chirping birds and basket weavers
Who sit and smile and
Twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away,
HAHAAAAAAAAA

I cooked your food,
I cleaned your house,
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind unselfish loving deeds

HUH?

Well, you just wait,
They'll find you yet,
And when they do, they'll put you in
the ASPCA, you mangy MUTT,

etc

_________________
Image
★Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually a Velociraptor★


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB ® Forum Software © phpBB Group | DVGFX2 by: Matt